If we are measuring how good dads are, I probably sit somewhere around a Homer Simpson on the scale. I love my kids. They are my motivation to drag myself into work each day when every fibre of my being would prefer to not be there. The most fun that I have in my life is with them – playing in the woods, wrestling with them, going to the beach, reading, watching movies together – most things are more enjoyable in life when I have their energy and all-in attitude accompanying it. They do test my patience though and in Jonah’s words “Daddy; you are the best daddy, but only when you’re not shouting at me”. I imagine I’m not the easiest dad to have in the world, and there are certainly times where I’m not as present as I should be, and I know I should regulate my behaviour better towards my boys and and resist falling prey to selfishness or laziness as often as I do. I can’t say I have ever strangled them like Homer does Bart, but I do like to try and lay on the couch ignoring them from time to time.
I want to be a better dad; to achieve a better balance between managing the wellbeing and development of my children and my own personal wellbeing, and to re-evaluate what makes a ‘good’ father. That’s why I started this journey investigating fatherhood – turning to philosophy, psychology, the arts, entertainment, religion and beyond to uncover ideas that can help me understand how to improve, and what to avoid. I’ve found that I learn much better when I write about a topic because explanation requires understanding. Truthfully, I don’t mind if no one reads these articles (although I will of course continue to share so you can read if you wish to!) – it’s a pleasant by-product if people enjoy what I write and interact with it, but primarily this is for me to order my thoughts, give deliberate consideration to ideas and to grow personally.
In particular, I’m keen to learn about being a father to boys. Rightly or wrongly, there is a microscope on masculinity and what it means. I want to learn how to raise my boys well without making their masculinity a dirty word or ignoring what they are and treating them like some conceptual blank slate.
I’m excited to find new inspiration to shape how I raise my children and help them develop into confident, competent men who know they have a constant source of help available to them from their dad to navigate life’s challenges. I may have nearly 5 years of fatherhood under my belt already, but I look forward to going on this journey with you and openly applying what I learn to become a better father.
This year I am really interested in evolving my understanding of boundaries, discipline, managing setbacks and failure, and the impact of lazy fatherhood. If you’re a parent then I invite you to join in, offer your ideas in the comments and even requests topics that you would like to navigate.
Understanding Fatherhood 